the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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