No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry about my life...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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