Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
