Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
