U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize