well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
