It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
