idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
