she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
