It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
