You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
