i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
