it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
don't judge my taste in strippers
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
