Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
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What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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