when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
