Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
