I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
