Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize