You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
