dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
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So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize