I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
