A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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