Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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