overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
