Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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