we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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