i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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