I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
