does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she smelled like a LAN party
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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