At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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