Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
