What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
worst night to have a conscience
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
