Quick, to the slutcave!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
