so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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