I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
