He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
