yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
