So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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