I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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