her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
