Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
