so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
