i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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