At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
