Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
