Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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