Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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