I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
