if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
