Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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