When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
