Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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