I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
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stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is Oprah even human
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?