We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
