I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
