I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
