my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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