I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
