When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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