Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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