my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
