Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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