that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize