kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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