Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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