Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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