No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
