When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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