my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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