i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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