hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
