Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Girls should come with a carfax report
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Randomize
