Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
