yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
